Category Animal Wise

Preserve your pet’s peace during holiday visits

Nancy Crowe
Image by Rebecca Scholz from Pixabay

When we bring our animal friends on visits — or our guests bring theirs — it can be very, very good. To further paraphrase the nursery rhyme, it can be horrid.

Especially during the holiday season in 2024, when communication among human family members and friends may already be fraught. As an animal communicator, I can tell you the animals feel this. They may not understand a national election, but they know if you are sad, scared or angry. They are affected by conflict in the house, even and especially if it’s not their house, or if extra humans are in theirs. As with us humans, stress can contribute to illness or behaving in ways they otherwise would not.

So, should you cancel all visits with humans who didn’t vote for your candidate? Whatever boundaries you set are your call. You are responsible for maintaining your and your pet’s well-being.

If you do hit the road or host, and regardless of human views and votes, you can use simple animal communication techniques to facilitate more fun and less drama.

1. Do ask, and do tell.

Even if you brought your dog the last time, ask your host if it’s OK this time. You never know whose allergic aunt might be there, too. It’s also good to clarify with your guests about whether they’re bringing their Komodo dragon. (Never assume, I say, and avoid nightmare scenarios like this.)

Either way, let your pet know what is going on before and during the visit. Yes, you can — especially if you are willing to take a few minutes and a few deep breaths, quiet the mental chatter and to-do list, and focus on your beloved animal.

Tell your animal friend, either silently or out loud, where you’re going, how you’ll get there, for how long, and who will be there. As you do so, hold pictures in your mind of you and your animal in the car, the trip, your friend’s house, and the other animals and people who will be there. Picture the sun rising and setting however many nights you’ll be there. If your dog had a blast playing with your brother’s dog or kids last time, picture that, too.

Ask the animal what would make the visit easier and more fun for her. What pops into your head? The word “blanket”? The image of a well-worn chew toy? Bring them along. (You probably have what my honorary daughter calls an adult diaper bag of supplies for your pet. There’s room.)

Or say your cat’s space is about to be temporarily invaded by your cousin’s Chihuahua and three toddlers. Again, picture them arriving and let the cat know how many nights they’ll be there. Ask not only for his forbearance, but what he prefers — to be part of the gathering? To be safely ensconced in another room with water, food, and litter box? Again, observe the images and feelings that come up. Follow through on what you can.

You can also tell your animal friend that these holiday visits may be harder for you this year and that you may need some extra support. I’m sure they’ll be glad to help!

2. Boundaries are OK. Really.

You are your pet’s hall monitor, caretaker, and advocate. On new turf or with new beings in the house, it’s all the more important to let him know what’s expected, and that he can count on you.

Say you’re at Cousin Ned’s house, and he has a no-fur-on-the-furniture rule. Your dog may be used to lounging freely on your sofa. While you’re at Ned’s, quietly tell your dog that he has to stay on the floor … and picture him contentedly lying there. (He’ll know the difference between Ned’s house and yours, even if he doesn’t like it.)

You are also the one who has to politely but firmly insist that Grandpa not feed fried chicken to your overweight cat, or that your niece stop pulling your dog’s ears. Now.

Since you know your animal best, you want to be the first to see signs of overwhelm — growling, retreating, hiding, and even nipping. These are warnings in even the most good-natured creature. Do everyone a favor and move your pet to a quiet place away from the stressors. 

3. Set aside one-on-one time.

Whether you and your pet are the visitors or the home team, there are likely some territorial tensions and jealousies mere humanity cannot grasp. Your pet is sharing your attention with other humans and animals. Being mindful of this can make a huge difference in not only the visit but your relationship.

Spend even a few minutes alone with your animal each day of the visit. You can toss a ball, offer a belly rub or some lap time, or just sit and let her know you are there for her and only her in that moment.

This is also a great time to check in about what each of you needs. You may sense that he needs a little more space from the kids. You can also gently remind him what’s expected. For example: If jumping up on people is a problem, picture him doing that and you immediately putting him in another room. Then follow through when it happens.

For more information on keeping gatherings safe and happy for animals, check out this article from the American Veterinary Medical Association. It’s geared toward the winter holiday season, but just about all of it applies year-round.

For help communicating with your animal friend and reducing stress for both of you, contact me today.

Connect with your pet: a quick guide

Nancy Crowe

Want a better connection with your dog, cat, horse or other companion? This newly revised, mobile-friendly guide can get you started.

As an animal communicator and professional writer, I know how important it is to be succinct. That’s why I streamlined the earlier version to make it even easier to begin to find the answers you seek.

Visit my website and sign up for the monthly “All Creatures” newsletter – on the left or at the bottom, depending on how it displays on your device. You’ll get an email with a link to download it.

Please be assured that 1) I won’t share your info; 2) you’ll only get monthly-ish emails from me and 3) I don’t know how to spam.

Three cats, one lap and other versions of ‘enough’

Nancy Crowe

Healing energy is infinite. My lap is not.

That’s what I told the three cats, thinking they wouldn’t believe me. But they worked out the logistics themselves. The tabby stayed put in my lap, the black cat sat on my shins and the calico decided it was more fun to sit on the counter and swat at everyone else. We all settled in for the meditation session … just as it was, which is what the Let Animals Lead® method is about anyway.

Of course there’s enough healing energy to go around, just as there’s enough love to go around. In a world of finite space, allotted time and the ways different species regard resources, we can still be fair. The animals, in fact, might be able to work it out themselves and teach us. Here’s what I’ve learned in my animal communication and Let Animals Lead® meditation practice … and in my own home.

When someone sticks their neck out, pay attention.

There is generally a pecking order among horses. If I want to let a herd know about a change or event, I’ll speak to all of them — but ask, say, the lead mare to help the others remain calm. That respects the horses and helps them all feel safer.

I’ve also learned that if a horse comes to the fence or sticks his head out of a stall, I need to see him first because there’s probably a reason. For example: Mojo the Tennessee Walker, above, very often walked to the fence when I arrived. His “Hey, over here! Me first!” was never subtle.

One day Mojo turned around, pressed his backside to the fence and asked for hands-on energy. After about 20 minutes he walked off, seeming a bit relieved, but I had picked up on some pain on the left side. The equine chiropractor saw him shortly thereafter and sent me a diagram of his misalignment. No wonder he was hurting. Another time he needed a kind word because his buddy left his side (and because he did not get chosen) for a special ride with a delightful eighty-something lady.

They might know who needs help first.

Animals can be astute, too, about who might need help more than they do at the moment. Two mini horses (one of whom was disabled), were hanging with a mustang who’d been battling a persistent infection. When the three of them approached me, the two minis hung back. I thanked them, worked with their mustang buddy, and made sure to see those kind minis before I left that day.

A cow at an animal sanctuary where I trained had adopted two young calves as her own. When I approached their stall and offered to share a healing meditation, the cow turned her head toward the two calves. Anything I was offering should go to them first, she told me. I assured her that all of them were free to participate — but following her lead, I turned toward the youngsters. As the session continued, I felt mama cow join us as she figured out she wasn’t taking anything away from her young charges.

Don’t placate. Just toss the ball.

Dogs are famous for their “how could you?” look if they detect another dog’s scent on you. Or if you are brazen enough to pay attention to another dog right in front of them, you cad. Canine jealousy was even documented in a University of California study.

Imploring dogs not to be jealous and/or to wait their turn is not likely to make them feel any less wronged. (Trust me; I used to do both.) With animals, actions speak louder than words, and energy speaks even louder. If I come home with the scent of other dogs on me, I let my dogs sniff without comment. Then I make sure they get some one-on-one time — a belly rub or a couple of toy tosses mean more than you know.

When we build even a little more awareness and trust, “enough” can look like plenty.